A Few Weeks

It's amazing how much can change in a few weeks. A few weeks ago she was getting up in the morning, changing her diaper and clothes and getting herself to the bathroom. Now, she might get up out of bed. Takes her diaper off and leaves it where it lay and no longer going into the restroom. What changed? What switch turned off? I've no idea. She thinks she is still taking herself to the restroom but she doesn't. She looks different as well sometimes. Less...less like someone is in there. It is heartbreaking. We know from past experience that seniors especially have a personality change when there is dehydration. I am fairly certain that isn't the case this time. She is getting plenty of fluids and her urine isn't dark. It has been very hot outside but we keep the house nice and cool. There so many things I am thankful for that she can still do and is aware of, but those fleeing things are so difficult to let go.

I'm not there

Being away from home is very hard sometimes. Although my husband and daughter are there, when an issue comes up it is very difficult to not also be there. Not only is it difficult to concentrate on work, I wish I could be there to help. I wonder if things are taking a true turn or if this will pass in a few days. I spoke to a co-worker today whose mother also has Alzheimer's. Her mother is younger than my MIL (by about 13 years) but she developed it much earlier. Her mother doesn't sleep through the night. I am thankful that isn't an issue for us. We at least all get to sleep most nights. I have no idea what is coming. No idea what issues this disease will bring. Some days are the same. Some day I hope end quickly. Honestly, to this day, there has not been one moment I regret the decision to have her in our home. It is hard. It is stressful. I cry sometimes. Sometimes I want to scream, but I know we did not make the wrong decision.

Find a trash can

I think her memory is significantly worse than just last week. She used to always put her diapers in the trash can in the restroom. Now I find them in various places in her room. I think we might need to move her room around a bit. I don't know. Our daughter helps but it isn't enough. We are going to have to find someone else who is able to clean her up, fix a full meal and sit and talk with her. The biggest issue is getting her up to walk. She won't listen to us but is more likely to listen to someone else. I think it if becomes more of a routine for her, it will make it easier on all of us in the long run. Not to mention there is more day to day cleaning that needs to be done (seems to be growing every week. My husband told me before we moved it that it would be hard. He lived with his grandparents his whole life. His grandfather suffered a stroke. His grandma was pretty healthy but confined to a wheelchair (or chair) when I met him. He knew there would be a lot of things I (we) never took into consideration. I was not swayed. I knew the only good, decent, right option was to move her in with us. All in all he was afraid it would be too much for our marriage. We have been through so much together so I didn't worry. It is hard. Not for the reasons I thought. I thought there would be specific items or issues that would have at each others throats over. It isn't that, it just the added stress. There aren't any problems we can't work out. To be honest, it is mostly my lack of communication that is probably more of an issue than anything else. I tend to take care of whatever is going on, not ask for help or even mention it but over time... well over time it builds up. It has made me realize it is okay not to do everything alone. Taking it day by day is what we are doing. Everything day by day. Sometimes hour by hour.

Dr Appointments

We have been so lucky with doctor appointments. It can be quite difficult to get her to the doctor. She might refuse to go or it might take so long to convince her to go, that you miss the appointment time. We use UCI and many times her doctor will come to us. It makes things so much easier. Sometimes it is just a challenge to get her to agree to shower much less go out into the world. If she knows the doctor is coming, she is much more likely to agree to whatever we may need her to do. Initially the doctors gave us a very hard time that we missed so many appointments. They actually told my daughter (who takes her to the appointments) that she could get in trouble for not making sure she gets the appointments. My husband went to the next appointment and made sure he spoke to the doctor along and told her how it wasn't very nice of her to make our daughter worry like that. Basically threatening her with elder abuse. My husband also asked the doctor and Social Worker who joined them how they would get a full grown woman somewhere who refused to go. Of course they had no answers. it was very frustrating but when you know a family is doing everything they can to take care of a family member, how is giving them a hard time for missing some appointments the way to go. However it occurred, they have been coming to us for the most part which is really great.

Help Me Please

Often times my MIL will yell "Help Me Please" when she simply thinks she can't get up out of the bed. This of course has the whole house running thinking she has fallen or something terrible has happened. She can get out of the bed herself, I think she just forgets. Or she will say something along the lines of "No, I have had help for days" (not true). We tell her to try and most of the time its such a half ass try, but if you wait long enough she will do it and we remind her she can do it for herself. It isn't that we don't want to help her. Obviously is no big deal to lend a helping hand but everything we read says have them do as much for themselves as possible. I imagine once she is no longer mobile, it will be a whole different ball game. She currently wears diapers but also goes to the restroom. The diapers started as an overnight thing. Every day we were washing all the bedding, her and the clothes and it was just too much. We had some daytime diapers in case she didn't make it to the restroom in time and the nighttime as well. Since her hip surgery in December of last year she wears the nighttime diapers full time. Sometimes she will go all day and make it to the bathroom in time, but if not, we don't have to worry. Thank goodness for Amazon prime where I order almost everything for her. I have found washable thick pads for the bed to keep the bed clean most of the time. That has cut down on our laundry so much. I try new things but stick with the things that work. Non-slippery socks and washcloths are things we go through like crazy. Its great to know it will be here tomorrow or the next day because we already have a house to run and I am not great at lists!

A little bit of history

I am currently 46 years old. I am the youngest and only girl of four children. I had two children by the time I was 21 and was a single parent for a while. My oldest is almost 27 and I have been with the love of my life for 23 years. My husband is an only child and we now have a total of four children from 27 to 12. About two years ago my mother-in-law (MIL) started having some memory issues after a long stay in the hospital for some blood clots in her lungs, so together with the doctors we decided it was best if we moved in her in with us. I am thankful we had an extra bedroom to allow her to move in with little fuss. The move was fairly easy for all of us. We had a few months until things got a bit...harder. This blog will be about our day to day lives caring for someone with Alzheimer's.